How ADHD affected me at: School

“There is nothing wrong with his hearing” was the general conclusion to the Audiologist appointment my parents took me to when I was younger. They couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t processing and understanding information in the same way other kids do, so they assumed I couldn’t hear.  

I could hear and understand perfectly well and, as far as I’m aware, (digging way deep into the memory banks here…) ADHD was never discussed, nor do I think it needed to be at that time. 

My whole childhood was a surreal and trippy experience. I was a very happy child with a huge amount of creativity and imagination. I was also a sleepwalker. Experienced night terrors and talked to imaginary friends. I was passionate about wildlife and nature and loved cartoons and wrestling. I was socially developing and had real life friends, despite often being wrapped up in my own world.  

Simpler times. 

Becoming a teenager and going through school was when I truly started to struggle with what I recognize now as ADHD traits, but at the time it was just seen as ‘under achieving’, ‘being disruptive’, ‘talking too much’ in class and ‘lacking attention to detail’ (I’ll come back to this point later…) And look, for sure there was going to be some of that going on diagnosis or not. But do I think a combination of medication and the right level support could have helped me through? It’s hard to say for the former, but I’m completely sure on the latter.  

I went to a large, inner city public school which wasn’t the best but I’m not knocking it as such. Overall, school was enjoyable. It wasn’t a bad experience, and I wasn’t a ‘bad kid’. But I was difficult to teach at times and, on an academic level, my success hinged purely on my relationship with the teacher and the environment I found myself in.  

To give you a good example: I was kicked out of my Higher Geography class for not meeting grades – a class that I had a genuine interest in. I was sat near my friends (bad move), and it was easier for the teacher at the time to just put me down a class/get rid of me rather than persevere.  

A level down: I had a great relationship with my new teacher – he had a good sense of humour and took the time to get to know me. I also had my own desk, and it was a much smaller class with less distractions. 

Come exam time, I achieved my first (and last) A. 

I know I could achieve at Higher level too, as this was a similar story in a couple of other classes I attended. As for the rest: any class I found boring or if I didn’t get on with the teacher, I was kicked out of. Others, I would skip. I’d also act up in some classes as I just didn’t find them stimulating enough.  

Good/understanding teacher = better grades.  

They call that a formula.  

See…I did learn something. 

To sum things up, (I was shit at Math’s though…) I needed the right level of support and environment to prosper. Extra time in exams might have helped me. Access to a mentor such as a guidance teacher could have helped too. But instead, I found myself being bounced around detention, stripped of privileges, and playing cards in the dining hall when I should have been studying. 

While most of my friends went on to university, became apprentices, or worked in the Oil and Gas Industry, I left school with a few mediocre grades in random subjects and felt as directionless as ever. It was a waste of potential, but I think there’s far too much pressure on young people to ‘achieve’ at this stage in their lives and I just wasn’t mentally mature enough or ready to make such big decisions.  

‘Attention to detail’ 

A lot of which I’ve spoken about above might be a familiar/relatable story to many of you who went to school and without a diagnosis of ADHD. I get it. Some of this is learning how to navigate life and part of growing up. That said, I do believe that undiagnosed ADHD provided me with added challenges. Some of my behavioural traits were the direct result of frustration and not being able to cope overly well. Others I just accepted as part of who I am as I’d always been told “that’s Darren…”

Could medication have helped? Probably. But only if the support was available too.  

‘Mental Health’ was rarely spoken about back then and I had zero knowledge of how my brain worked and functioned. I was hugely disorganized, and I felt like the simplest of things provided the most difficulties. Even if I recognised, I was having issues (which I often didn’t…) I wouldn’t have spoken about them. I’d chalk things off as “too hard” or “too boring” and move on. At that age, I was too young to fully appreciate what was going on so I muddied through. 

Here’s a few examples: 

• I didn’t turn up to my higher music exam, as I completely forgot about it and was out walking my dogs. I failed the whole class as a result.  

• A teacher once threw a chair across the room at me in frustration, resulting in her kicking me out of her class for good. She was frustrated as she told me several times to stop talking and I didn’t. I bumped into her again at a funeral years later. She referred to me as “Tourette’s Boy”.  

• My backpack was always a mess of crumpled up papers, drawings and doodles.  

• I spent a whole exam writing about Russia, when we hadn’t learnt about Russia that year. Our teacher told the class repeatedly to IGNORE this question on exam day. He managed to wrangle me more time at the end, but I nearly failed the exam as a result.  

• I was tasked with doing the cover art for the school yearbook. I didn’t do it in time, so they gave it to another pupil to do.  

• I was the only pupil in my year to not allowed to be a ‘prefect’ (looking out for the younger pupils and being a good ambassador in a nutshell…) as I wasn’t deemed responsible enough. 

• I’d often find myself at the back/the front of the classroom, or at a table by myself. Wherever was the least disruptive for everyone else.  

• I’d do better in classes that allowed for me to be creative or I found interesting: Art, Drama, Sports, Modern Studies, Music, Geography, English. 

• I failed at classes that required attention to detail and concentration: Math’s, Technical Studies, Chemistry, Computing, etc 

Upon leaving school, I couldn’t go to Uni with the mish mash of grades I achieved so I went to college for a year – but dropped out halfway through due to poor grades. I’d been working part-time since I turned thirteen, so naturally I began to work full-time. I went straight into the family business – where not only were my quirks accepted; they were hidden and managed in a job where I thrived and was good at.  

But I also started smoking too much weed and partied most nights of the week, so I still didn’t even begin to get to grips with and truly understand my own mental health. There was a lot of numbing, destructive behaviour in those years.  

I wouldn’t get my diagnosis of ADHD until my mid-twenties.  

And despite all that I’ve said and going to say in the next blog post, it genuinely came as a shock to me.